blackmail press 17
Bernard V Kyle
new zealand
A Retiree with an old fashioned rhythm & rhyme style descibed as featuring, philosophy, reflection, irreverence, humour & wordplay"

We know you will enjoy these witty and intelligent works - editors
Happy Hour

I thought we might have us a tipple,
When my mate walked in through the door,
For the sun was well over the yardarm,
Indeed, it had gone half past four !

So we poured us some liquid refreshments,
Our senses, you know, to empower,
Then we discussed full many a problem,
As we relaxed, to enjoy "Happy Hour. "

"There's the tsunami, The 'quakes & the bombers,
The high Dollar, the floods, & the slips,
Don't forget those terrible murders,
And the problems with those ferry ships !"

"There's the 'one one one' & the Coppers
The Wananga, which got on the mat,
Not doing the time when you've committed the crime,
And those gravy train boys, getting fat."

"The N C E A's a debacle,
The 'Schol' caused no one to smile,
The Health System's having it's problems,
And the Court's taking months to a trial."

The Rates bill has gone through the ceiling,
Leaky buildings are there, everywhere,
While the gridlock's costing a fortune,
It takes hours to get anywhere.

And now, don't you know, it's Kyoto
At a Billion, a bit more or less,
And who is to blame for this muck up?
Why all that you need, is one guess.

So my mate & I grew unhappy,
And 'Happy Hour' fell rather flat,
For when we looked at the troubles around us,
We said, " Who the Hell's Happy, with that?"

Copyright BVKyle 2005


I Dug in the Sand,
With my right and left hand ,
The Sea just covered my Feet,
I was digging for Fish - Shellfish that is,
For I'd found them Delicious to Eat.

And in those Days of yore
There were Pipis Galore,
With the odd Tua Tua of course,
And we'd take what we'd need for a jolly good feed,
Being mindful to Conserve the Resource.

We'd shuck those shellfish
Right on to a Dish,
Adding condiments, each of our Choosing
And we'd relish that Dish of Beauty Shellfish ,
Perhaps with some overenthusing !!

But no one these Days
Digs in the Bay,
For the shellfish are no longer there,
They've been pillaged by those who Came from Afar,
And Left, with Nary a Care.

So Shellfish it seems
Are a thing of our Dreams,
It's a taste that I'd not like to Foister,
Unless, of course, you've got enough Means,
To pay more than two Dollars an oyster !!!!!

Copyright BVKyle 2002

Porky Pig

Now Porky the Pig was not very Big,
But everyone knew he would Grow,
And with Positive Talk he put on the Pork,
That's what Little Pigs do, you know !

So Porky grew Fat - no I shouldn't say that,
If I did I would be Mistaken,
For what Porky had done was just the Forerun,
Of Beautiful mild Streaky Bacon !

Now 'Ye Ole British Breakfast's ' no longer Trad
With Pork Sausages, fried eggs and Bacon ???
But Farmers who need to keep up their Strength
Are partial to bacon Partakin'

So now that you know the facts of the Case ,
I'm sure you'll have no illusions ,
For if you're as smart as I think that you are ,
You'll be able to draw some conclusions !!!

Copyright BVKyle 2002


Now worldly wealth, is naught without health,
So I'm researching supplementation,
It appears there's a pill for nigh ev'ry ill,
That afflict the folk of this nation.

There's vitamins A B & C, along with mixed E,
And the help of the sun to make D,
But please heed the need, of a frequent fish feed,
To provide your Omega 3.!

Now I really should state the need for folate,
The minerals, iron, & protein,
But feel free with green tea, and if you agree,
Limit the carbs & caffeine.

I need glutathione, then calcium for bone,
With antioxidants being discussed,
And I've given a pledge to increase fruit and veg.,
So I think that I'm getting things sussed !

But I really should say, that we need A.L.A,,
And probiotics are being applauded,
But where'er I look, in many a book,
There are so many things being lauded.

But what's this I see, the right one for me ?
This Resveratrol stuff, sounds fine,
I may sound morose, but I could overdose,
For it's here, in my glass of red wine !!

So I'll abandon my quest for that which is best
And the search for this, that, and the other,
For with great self denial, I'll run a 'resveratrol trial,'
And bequeath all those books to another.

Copyright BVKyle  2004

Vicarious Verse 1

A polar bear felt in need of a drink,
A habit, regrettably chronic,
So he hastened along to the nearest hotel
And said " Please give me a Gin..................and a tonic !"

"Why sure," said the barman, "But why the big pause ?"
Said the bear, "I wish I knew,
But it mightn't come as such a surprise,
But my Ma & my Pa had them too !"

Vicarious Verse 2

Now Ben & and old Nick. both geriatric,
Lived in custodial care,
They'd quarrel all day, in a polite sort of way
This argumentative pair.

And Ben said to Nick, "Hang on a tick,
I guess you've read Marx, but who cares ?'
"It's true" said Nick, I'm red as a brick
And I blame it on these wicker chairs."

Vicarious Verse 3

"Oh gallant Knight," the King opined,
Those wild races from the North,
Would have whisked away my darling wife,
If you had not come forth."

"Hail mighty King," the knight replied,
"I plight my troth, forthwith,
But in the race to save thy wife
I came not forth, but fifth."

Copyright BVKyle 2006