The Ever-Changing Home:
In these walls that I call home, I don’t recognise myself. Who am I? The walls around me are awash in red enveloping me in cracked, dry and peeling walls. If red is meant to be a colour of luck in my culture, why is it giving me so much grief? I think back to when my home wasn’t painted in red and how for a period, I was content, till my walls were stripped down to the red, dry and oozing layer. A layer that made me hide my walls away from onlooking eyes. A layer that made me feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb. A layer that made me feel like damaged goods. Many plasterers have suggested products that I should use to fix these walls but alas these too came with side effects that aggravated the home. Even when I tried to stop using the products, the walls came back hungry, in pain and close to collapsing. For twelve years this remained my home. A home that at times I didn’t recognise the reflection of, because who am I without the products that I use to stabilise these walls. Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if I didn’t have these walls. Would I value myself more? Would I think of life in the same way? Or would I stay at the same confidence level? Forever maintaining the wall trim. Forever applying products on these walls that caused the decorations to stick like glue. For some, a home can be changed. For me, a home can be maintained till it needs fixing once more. In the end, though, this was my ever-changing home, one that never stays the same no matter what I do.
Gina Nguyen is a 25-year-old writer. She is of Vietnamese descent but was born and raised in Aotearoa New Zealand. Along with writing, Gina has graduated with two degrees from Massey University: a Bachelor of Communication in Public Relations and a Graduate Diploma of Arts in Social Policy. In her spare time, Gina reads, walks, makes cookies, and draws.
